Wednesday, 19 October 2011
Though nothing, would keep us together...
I wish, I wish that I could turn back time, if I could, then maybe things would be different... Maybe things would be better between us, simpler even? I don't mean that I don't love you now, but... If things were simple, you wouldn't know half as much as you do, and you wouldn't hate me. I wouldn't have fucked things up royally with you if things were simple still. "I stare at my reflection in the mirror (eugh) why am I doing this to myself" I love that line of the song. It just makes me... Believe that someone else knows how I feel, even if You cannot comprehend it. Even if you don't wish to know about it... I had my first interview today for a college :) I was so excited, I just wanted to tell you all about it, I wanted to call you, I wanted to talk to you in school, All day, but, I couldn't because you hate me, and there's nothing I can do about that, you don't want to know about the silly little things I get excited about, like colleges (and how big the library was) and how many followers I have on my blog (Yes, I actually get excited about that number, it is sad, but true) Because the silly little things, they cause you too much pain :/ And I am sorry about that, but what can I do? you've made it pretty clear you don't want to know me anymore, because I'm not me in your opinion. I'm an, empty shell that is just filled with Ana, there's no Me there in your eyes. Look at me, typing as if you're actually reading this, as if you actually want to read a word of this anymore, I'm so pathetic, I just wish I could talk to you... I wish I could make you see that I AM still me, no matter how much it may seem like I change, like I'm not the person you love anymore, because I'm not as good at hiding things now, because I don't act all happy and bubbly all the fricken time, because I don't try and give advice anymore, I can't help that, why is it that everyone else is allowed to progress and change in themselves, but you want me to stay as I am, you want me to stay as I was sorry. Change is Nature! If I don't change, then, I'm stuck. And its not fair that you're making me feel this way because you disagree with what I'm doing. If you really loved me, or even liked me as a best friend should, then you shouldn't try and change me, you should accept me, or else, what does that say about our friendship?! I'm so confused :/ sorry about this guys, I'm just saying what I wish I could say to her... <3
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Your right about change, it's natural, and if this friend cannot except that, or you, then they aren't a true friend, because they would support you no matter what, your beautiful! remember that, no matter what, and it's not silly to get excited about the number of followers you have, i get excited too :D xx
ReplyDeleteYour blog has brought me to tears a few times this month alone and I thank you for posting all this - in a way it lets me glimpse into someones life and escape my own. Sounds like you've found some good friends recently but you still want to push them away maybe you should just let them see the real you instead of putting on this act? Maybe that's why this friend/lover/girl is thinking your changing because your confusing yourself with the act? She seems to care about you and I'm sure whatever she found out about you that's made her hate you won't be that bad - it just feels it now.
ReplyDeleteIf there are people that love you and can be there then talk to them instead/as well of venting your feelings here - don't push them away, if they think your weird or a freak then they weren't very good friends and loosing them is a plus otherwise maybe there are some people to help you through Aprilynne down days?
xxx
It's natural that people change. We grow up and start to view the world differently. I don't understand why your friend doesn't want to accept that you can change. Instead she prefers to think that's you're not threal you anymore. That's silly.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I also get excited about the number of followers:)
Thank gosh i'm not the only one that gets excited about these things :3 and im sure that we will be back how we used to be soon, i hope anyway, i miss her :/ <3
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