Gaping wounds that will never close.

Day 2 of breakdown week. Mustn't let anyone know, mustn't let them be scared for me. Pity me. I don't want that. I don't need that. My head is killing me, I'm trying to fight the voices but their argument is compelling to say the least. Why Am I alive? What worth do I hold? Why shouldn't I cut the pain away? At one point today I dug my nails into my skin so hard that I have big gouges on my arms now, I didn't even realise I was doing it. My psychology teacher did. She loves to test me, loves to see what makes my mind work, she saw my arms, asked why I'd done it, that was when I noticed. I told her it was itchy, she said I probably shouldn't cut it so much then. I told her I didn't cut on my arms, she pointed out the scars. I said I didn't cut on my arms Anymore. Then I ran. I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do on friday. I don't even care. Crying in front of a teacher is not what I'm doing again. Not at this school. I'm not going to be the freak again. I saw my best friend today, I have missed her so much, I didn't even tell her I was breaking down. So Many secrets so many lies. I'm going insane keeping it together. I don't know what to do, I cant burden my best friend because its not fair on her, I cant tell the counsellors because they'll think I'm crazy and I don't really want to tell them, I have no one. Even spinning isn't working anymore, it used to help to fuzz my head a bit, to keep the voices at bay, keep everything at bay for a while, but now it does nothing. WHYWHYWHY. I need to get away. Need to escape this world, nothing works anymore though, I'm losing it. 
Bye my Angels <3