Awards all around, except for you, you're inadequate.

Does anyone else get a little bit (or very) pissed off that people get awards for being crap at the start of the year and managing to scrape through with C's or something? Not doing crap because they're incapable of learning, but doing crap because they didn't want to actually do the work. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not a jealous person, but it just makes me so fucking irritated when people get awards for being total twats and the people that have consistently done the good work don't ever get Anything. You never see and award for someone being consistently good at what they're doing. Always awards for progress or more factually, winging it. I went to my awards ceremony today to collect my GCSE certificates and most if not all of the 'special awards' were either tied between two girls (one got about 10 and another about 6) or the people that managed to scrape by. I know it shouldn't get to me as much as it is doing, but I mean, not to sound big-headed or anything, but I worked bloody hard for those marks, and yeah, they weren't all A* but I just felt a bit like what I'd done was being undermined because these two girls were fucking amazing at everything. I felt like because I'd always done the work and always tried to like, be good, that I wasn't actually good enough for these awards, even when I was going through a load of crap last year I still managed to do all of the work better than a lot of the people who got awards today. Ah well, mediocrity at its best I am. I'll stick to reading and being consistent, maybe one day it'll be acknowledged...I know one thing I'm good at...control. I'm fucking amazing at that. Restriction and control. I reckon every one of us should get an award for it. probably you guys before me, but like, awards all around! I just need to cut, but my blades aren't good enough. I'll find more soon, till then though I'll just create grazes on my skin, for some reason grazing it with a razor several hundred times isn't as satisfying, but it hurts more in the morning, I've started grazing and then cutting over it now because I can feel it. Bye my Angels <3