That's where I belong...

This world is trying to break me, I swear to it... Its like just when I think I'm about to get back on my feet, just when I think people will forget about my...antics, I go and do something crazy, like give a counsellor a text saying I have finally accepted the fact that I need help now, and that I think things are getting to bad for me to just live in my whole "I'm coping" mind frame anymore... In a really odd way, I'm glad I contacted someone, because I was the one to instigate it, its all on my terms now. So I goes into this person, Mrs Derrett she's called, I might have mentioned her before on here, but I get called into see her an hour before lunch and we take the whole hour just talking and I tell her like Everything. I told her about the voices in my head, and the projection of one into Miss O'Mullane, I told her about Ana and my eating habits, I told her about things I would never tell most other people, like my holiday. And how I'm still carrying the guilt around from what I did when I was in Spain. I told her about my loss of morals and my lack of ability to read and do things that were fundamental to me, I told her about my nervous tendencies and my not pleasant thoughts. And I touched on the topic of this very blog. She didn't really know what to say to it all, she said she was proud of me for finally coming to her to get help, but that she wasn't the one I needed to talk to, I needed someone who specialises in these things ( Aka, someone who works with mental patients) And she asked if she could get someone to come and see me, because she wasn't sure that what I was doing to my arm without knowing it was normal, or safe. So I'm being referred to yet another "Specialist" to talk to and spill everything to and just when I think I'm going to get help, I'll be referred to a different person. I guarantee it. This is my Fifth specialist person that I've been referred to, this year -.- why cant they all just make their minds up and pick someone for me already?! **RANT OVER** Sorry about that xD I just needed to speak my mind and tell you about this day that was obviously so good for me. And now I feel a binge coming on. I shall have to swap 500 sit-ups for a thousand tonight, and I shall have to take the dog for a 3 hour walk instead of one. so basically I'ma have to double every bit of exercise I do. Fun times. Have a good night Y'all, This fucked up dysfunctional kid loves you ;D <3