Longing to be free...

Some crazy woman once told me to live life as you mean to live death, I don't really know what that means and whoever the woman was, she's no where to be found right now, I think she was one of those street people that you're so fascinated with when you're younger, you know those ones that life in cardboard boxes or something, and when you're younger you think they're brave for living in the wild and would give anything to join them... Maybe that was just me, I don't know :L But anyway, remembering this today, and them having this argument with my friend about how she doesn't live her life the way she was made to, how always hiding in her shadow isn't what she needs, it was like...Fate or something? I don't know, my minds still foggy, but at least I know I'm not pregnant now :') That's always a bonus eh? But yeah, It got me to thinking did this crazy old lady know somehow that my life was going to be a bit on the... different side? But of course she obviously didn't know I was going to have Ana on my side, or this group of friends that don't give a shit about Ana, the ones that just love me unconditionally, the ones I keep trying to push away to give them a better life without me in it...I don't know why I feel the need to push everyone away, I guarantee that if any of you were friends with me, you'd have been pushed away by now, because I don't want to hurt anyone, and I always hurt my friends... You remember my friend Emily right? She just gave up Ana, I don't even know how she gave her up... Its not possible, why, how its confusing, and I wish I had the will-power she has. This isn't just some crazy diet thing to me anymore, its my new way of life, I will always have Ana with me, she will always be there to bat the cake out of my hand and not let me walk slowly up the hills. I'm so proud of Emily :) I'm proud of all my friends really, for not giving in to Ana's temptations like I did, she's like the evil stepmother out of Snow White, which I watched last night ;D (Oh look I made a rhyme) xD Hmm, time to write some more of my depressing poetry now, Maybe someday I'll let some of you read it... That is if you want to of course, I'd never put it on my blog unless someone was actually wanting to read it... Until tomorrow <3