Saturday, 27 October 2012

Revolting.

I weighed myself today, then did my BMI, it told me I was in the healthy weight zone...I cried. It probably shouldn't have gotten to me as much as it did, I mean, healthy weight, great for most people right? Its better than obese, but to me, it feels like I am critically obese. I feel disgusting. I just want to die right now. I've decided that in the next week alone I will lose at least 10 pounds, and I will try to continue to lose that much weight, every week, until there is nothing left of me. Until I am in what I perceive to be a good weight barrier, what everyone else will perceive as critically underweight. This was a wakeup call and a half for me. Everyone's going to hate me for it, but I don't care what they think, I need to be thin. It isn't their life to decide how I look, its mine. I wish my family had never found out about this life, even though it was ages ago and they think I'm over it, if they hadn't have found out about it, I wouldn't be made to sit at the table and eat with them every night, I could have salads for tea instead of things they think are appropriate for someone who counts calories. (That means they have over 400, I want to cry every time I eat their food. No wonder they're all fat) Maybe I'll take up smoking to calm my appetite, then I'll go back to my drugs, they should help me right? and eventually I'll be tinier than the girls in 'THIN' (Hopefully, if I dream it enough and work for it enough it'll come true) 
Hello everyone and welcome to my new-old life. Bye my Angels <3
Posted by at

2 comments:

  1. Nina of the Night27 October 2012 at 09:20

    Im really sorry to hear you are this upset and angry at yourself. I fall into the healthy category too, and i wont seem to let myself go under and it is driving me nuts. just maybe be a little easier on yourself. if a pound of fat is 3500 kcals extra over what you burn, then losing 10lbs a week will be really difficult without dehydrating yourself and cutting off limbs, and that doesnt mean you suck, it means that it is a really difficult thing to do unless you eat nothing and then on top somehow exersize all the time. if you eat 400kcals a week and walk a little, you'd lose 4lbs a week... now imagine trying to double that and a bit more... hard, and i would hate to see you get more pissed at yourself for losing 5lbs and being angry it wasnt 10 when 5 is already an insane amount for a week, you know? please dont hate me for this comment, i see so much of you in me or me in you, in that i get mad, set really hard tasks that im doomed to screw up because the task is too hard, and then get more angry. i just want you to know i love you and i understand and to urge you to be more easy on yourself if you dont get all the way there with weight loss each week. lose 4lbs a week, thats a stone in under a month. but anything you do is up to you and ill support you either way little star xx xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Essentially X27 October 2012 at 09:22

      I don't hate you, thank you for your concern honey, i'll try not to hate myself too much <3

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)