Oh how I hate my inarticulate tongue.

How do you tell your most trusted counsellor that you're falling back into everything you've fought to get out of? Not very eloquently apparently. It went badly, I think she thought I was joking. Like I really wasn't bad at all. Then she heard about the frequent cutting, the controlling, the restricting. She heard about how my head hated me again, how the whisperings of terrible things were back. She didn't think I was joking then, I don't think anyway...I think she was quite concerned when she heard that I'd purged, more concerned when she heard the cuts were deeper than they used to be. I don't know really. I was a bit of a babbling fool about it really, not knowing how to word things so they didn't sound as bad as they really were, tumbling over words like I wasn't in control. I felt a little bit nervous actually, like she'd judge me, but she never does, or if she does, she doesn't tell me about it, or show it in her face. I'm usually quite good at reading people's faces and I do know when she's disgusted with me so I think she sort of already knew that I was slipping. She asked me again to stop cutting, this time, instead of promising her that I would try, I said nothing. I can't promise something that I know I wouldn't be able to do, that's immoral. Staying quiet and saying 'I cant promise that' was my only option. I think she was a little bit disappointed at that, but what else could I do? I've slipped back monumentally and I have been doing for some time now, she must've known that this day would come, after all, she knows I'm not that strong...Anyway, I have a pile of work the size of a lamp post to be getting on with so I'll leave this now. Bye my Angels <3