Friday, 19 October 2012

I hate people judging my writing...

One of my English teachers wants my short story draft in next week, I've already written it. She wanted a plan for it. I don't plan them, I just write them. I hope she likes it. If not, I have like 4 back ups for her to choose from (Lets hope she likes one of those at least) For some reason I find it really easy to just block anything out when I'm writing short stories, because you really have to focus on getting everything you want into such a small amount of space, however sometimes, the things I'm blocking out are reflected in my story. Like, for example, before I'd given into the cutting temptation again and I was fighting it, I wrote a story (the one I'm handing into the teacher) about a guy that's locked up in a mental institution for trying to kill himself and thinking that his blood was rose petals...I guess I really thought I was crazy and wanted to cut a lot that day. Its a good story though in my opinion, so screw my teacher's opinion (Joking, her opinion is the one that matters) Oh I hate showing people what I write, I feel like they can see too much of me, they can see into my soul or something...What if she judges me? I hate it when people say my writing's crap, even if it is, its like they're saying that I'm crap. (Don't ask me why, I take these things very personally obviously) I feel like I'm suffocating, all of these worries are piling up on me and making it really difficult to focus on anything, and I have to wait until friday to hear the verdict on my writing. I think I will surely die before then. Ah well, its not like that'd be too bad anyway
Also, does anyone know if anti-depressants are any good? like do they work at all or are they bad or what, I think I'm contemplating taking my counsellor up on her offer to get me a doctors appointment and get me some, let me know...Bye my Angels <3

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6 comments:

  1. Lolita19 October 2012 at 12:32

    I hate that about writing too; it feels like I've just took all my clothes off and am showing the other person my naked self. I hate it, I feel like I'm judged especially because there's always a personal element to it and because I get far too into it. I also can't really take criticism over my writing- I take it very personally.

    Anti depressants worked for me. I was on two lots earlier this year, the first did nothing but citalopram was brilliant for me. I think I took if for two months (they think I've had it for 8 years since I was 13) and I still don't feel like I need it anymore. They do take two weeks to kick in whether good or bad. They might be a good idea <3 xxx

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    1. Essentially X20 October 2012 at 06:03

      I don't think writing is any good if you don't engross yourself in it. Its just a crappy story if there's nothing personal to it :L
      Thank you, I don't know whether I really want them or not but at least I know they sort of work now...<3

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  2. Stephanie N.21 October 2012 at 03:09

    Honestly, has anyone ever actually told you your writing's crap? You're definitely worrying over nothing =)

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    1. Essentially X21 October 2012 at 05:20

      My year two teacher did... :L I just hate not knowing what there reactions will be <3

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  3. Jenna Faerie21 October 2012 at 09:58

    I've never taken anti-depressants, but other people that I know have had positive results using them. ♥

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    1. Essentially X22 October 2012 at 09:57

      Thank you :) I've decided against them, I'd have to go to my doctor for them prescribed and I have to see that girl way too much for her to judge me on what pills I take, if I need them I'll get them from people at college, like I get all my other stuff xD <3

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