Its happened again.

So my best friend fell out with me again today. I guess its been a long time coming really, she's probably just been thinking of ways to toss me over-board and move on with her new college life, doesn't need me dragging her down. I should've expected it, the amount she talks about this amazing new life of hers, these great new friends...Where do I fit in with that? Nowhere. That was all we'd talked about for the past month or so, her friends, her life, how great everything was for her, yet I'M the selfish one? Oh, okay, I guess I see it now? How silly of me to have not realised how selfish I was being before eh? Well. Let her have her new life and her amazing new friends and such, she's done this to me too many times now and quite frankly I'm sick of it. She has mood-swings like you've never known and if I catch her at the wrong time everything going on in her life is my fault. Not the good things though, oh no. That'd mean I was actually an important aspect of her life, one that brought some joy, that's not me. I'm just a screw up, a freak. Who would want to stay friends with a freak when they have an amazing life? No one. No one at all. The worst thing of it all is that I feel, for the first time in ages, so utterly and completely alone. I spent all of my time making sure I could trust her, confiding in her, never making a back-up plan because she said we'd be together forever, and now? I have no one to talk to, no one to reason with, no one to just...rant at when everything's going crap. I have no one to be my best friend, to make me feel happy on the days I just want to jump from the top of a really tall building. I cant laugh with anyone, I cant do anything that I would do with her, because no one will ever measure up. She got me. She really got me, and I felt invincible with her. Now I'm just another teenager trying to make their way through life, awkwardly and all alone. I'll cope though, I'll just cut more and restrict more and everything will be fine eventually. I don't really need anyone anymore. Its time to turn my heart of, its been waiting for this for ever so long, and now there's no one at all for me to keep it open for. Before this afternoon, today was going good as well, I had gotten up to a 3, now I've plummeted back down to close to 0. Why am I so worthless? What is it about me that means I cannot be loved like everyone else can? Am I that horrible? I guess so, that's why everyone leaves, they cannot bare to be around me, well, good on them, get out while they can. I know I'd leave me well alone. Bye my Angels <3