I don't think that's how its supposed to work...

I saw (Fire)  today. I was hoping she hadn't spoken to (Irrit) so I could get to her first and warn her, but she had, I didn't do a very good job of explaining my meltdown but what's to be expected eh? There's a place I meet her at now a days, it reminds me of a children's prison/torture chamber...Its too colourful on the outside, too happy. Its not on the inside, its all long corridors and high windows I couldn't climb out of easily. It was designed to irritate me too. Messy, un-organised, generally cluttered. I get a little nervous sat in there, since there isn't an easy way (or three) to escape. But I do it anyway. Don't ask me why, I think its because I respect (Fire) too much, I respect her more than I do my own mother...That's not saying much, but I don't think you're supposed to respect a counsellor more than you do your mother...I could be wrong but I don't think its supposed to work like that. Anyway, she asked me if I could remember a good memory, and I couldn't actually (that's the saddest feeling on earth, when you have no good memories floating round your head) and I went away trying really hard to think of a good memory, any good memory from my past. The only one I came up with was one from when I was 3 years old. (That's even worse than not having any, having ones from toddler-hood as your only ones) I'm not sure where I was going with this story, this was just a significant event of the day... Nothing new to report really, haven't heard back from the friend or her family, I'm hoping she's well, I'm considering resorting to prayer or something just to try and make sure she stays okay. Cutting has continued, I got new blades today (Yay, no more blunt cutting!) The voices have continued to plague my thoughts, (Not so yay) And I've continued to have to run around after my family like some sort of nanny/pack-mule/mother. (woop-de-fucking-do) Anyway, Bye <3