I Beg To Differ.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I beg to fucking differ. I spent the entire day baking cakes and cookies and chocolate macaroon things because it helps keep my mind off of things I don't want to think about and it helps me stay focused on the things I need to think about, and I cant eat a single one of them. I bet they taste better. I keep thinking 'well, if I just have one, I can decide whether they taste good or not and I won't have to wonder and infuriate myself with how they taste, and I wouldn't be going out of my mind about it!' And I know its terrible to think like that, but its just really difficult. There is nothing worse than baking when you cant eat, because you know they'll taste good, and you know they'll pack on the pounds like you cant count, but because you know you cant eat it, it makes everything so much worse and so much more appealing. I had to bake, I know I did, because my thoughts we're heading in a direction I didn't want them to go and I needed clarity on certain topics I've been thinking about, but I wish I had a different way of doing it.
I've been waking up in the night at exactly 3:03, 4:32 and 5:51. Every night, for around a week now. Its so irritating because its like, I cant get to sleep for like an hour after I've woken up and so I only get like a short amount of sleep in between the waking up and its killing me. I have No energy. I'm literally wandering around like the living dead. I don't even know how I'm alive, with that and my lack of food and my 3 day migraine I'm about to kill myself -.- However, I didn't cut yesterday so that's sort of progress...Sort of, I probably just don't have the energy to cut right now. Its my prom on the 6th of July, I can't wait, but I don't want to be fat for it, because I don't like being in dresses anyway, if I was huge and in a dress I'd hate myself probably (:L) Right, well, that's my update done, How have all of you been today? Do anything interesting? Let me know my Angels <3
I just started following you and wanted to say hi. Do you always bake when you are stressed? I thought I was the only one that did that. I'll bake and then freeze it all and feed them to my kids and husband or pull them out when I want a good binge. haha
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Always, its quite irritating actually, there's rarely any room left in the cupboards on a bad week :L <3
DeleteThat has been happening to me too. I have not been sleeping right at night. Even as I type this I feel so tired.
ReplyDeleteYeah baking what you can not eat does not sound like any fun at all. It's why I hate working in food places. I always gain weight and it's super hard for me to lose weight.
I hope your sleeping pattern will get back to normal, mine too.
I always think about that stupid phrase, because on one hand it is so true. Like when things come together and you actually feel skinny in an outfit or something, you kinda thank god that you were able to say no to food, but at the same time. Gawd. I don't think I could compare the feeling that I get from eating something yummy (while I'm eating, before the guilt) or the feeling that i get from feeling thin. It's so hard. I don't think Kate Moss has ever sdtruggled with her weight. You're doing well darling. Keep it up! xx
ReplyDeletewrite down all your thoughts before u go to sleep
ReplyDeletemaybe your mind will rest better
about the beg to differ im not sure either sometimes id do anything for cake etc etc but others it repulses me
just keep your chin up look forward to your prom make it positive ull look amazing im sure honey
xx
Argh! I feel your pain. I LOVE baking, but not eating any is both frustrating and scary. I'm always terrified I'm going to give away something that's absolutely rubbish.
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