I need some time just to help me to breathe...

I have to meet one of the other counsellors on thursday, its been two weeks since I've seen him and last time I saw him, he made me cry (not that he saw the tears of course, thank you hair) but still. I don't know if I'm up for that again, I don't know if I'm ready to be drained again and made to feel...weak. I'm trying to stay happy and upbeat at school all the time at the moment, and its not working...I mean, I am staying happy and upbeat, but not on the inside, its all just a façade, I cant think for too long or it crumbles... I cant pretend to be this fucking happy for much longer. And I think on thursday, this game I'm playing with myself and everyone around me will end... Everyone around me needs my help in some way right now, I have people with issues they don't want to talk about but you know that they're hurting, I have the people who are planning on committing suicide and I'm talking them out of it, I have the depressed people who just need to talk and need help, I have the crazy people who you have to try and talk out of thinking, and its all building up to this point where I cant give them the help they need anymore, I can help one or two, but not everyone All the time, I'm just One person -.- cut me a break? No need, I cut these breaks myself, I've found there's nothing that will bring me back down to earth and off to oblivion like cutting over old scars that are just about healed... Ah well, I shall have to go now,I'll keep you updated when I can, but for now my darlings. Adieu. <3