Lets take a walk, your life's just like mine...

Happy Fucking New Year guys. Mine started off fan-bloody-tasticly. Nice things about my personal life spread around to people that really shouldn't have been told, more people being told about my personal life today, and all the people that are saying things about me I thought were my friends. My CLOSE friends, this is where me having friends gets me. I knew I should've just kept to myself last year, I don't need friends do I? No. All they do is bitch and backstab and spread things round that I'd rather people didn't know. And LIES! I Fucking HATE lies. With a Passion. People don't seem to understand that trying not to lie, being a Compulsive Liar, is really difficult, so them lying for me is really NOT what I need/want. I think sometimes people think I'm lying about being a compulsive liar, because I try not to lie, but I hate lying, I cant stand myself when I lie, And what's worse is that I don't even know I'm doing it when I lie, its only afterwards that I realise... And Really. What gives people the right to stick their noses into things that aren't anything to do with them, and what possesses them to let them think they can tell everyone? What is this world coming to? One person says something so its free reign for everybody to? Why can't people just start talking about their own lives?! Fucks sake. (-.-) And now, I really know what I am, and its going to kill me, and them. Because, they've told their mother, about us. About what we are. And its so much more complicated because I don't want the mother to hate me when I break their child's heart... Because I've decided. And its not what they want me to be. I've been hating myself for realising all day. But its not fair on them anymore, if I know what I am, I cant string them along anymore can I? I didn't think so... Turns out, I'm as straight as a steel pole. I think. I mean, I just don't think about the ladies as I do the lads... Does it make me a terrible person for only just realising this? Or does it make me a terrible person for continuing my charade after I know this news, just to keep them happy, just to keep them my best friend. I Cant lose them. I just cant. I think, if I lost them, I'd tip over the edge, and there'd be no way to bring me back... But I cant tell them this, because its not fair putting them under that pressure is it... I mean, if you told your best friend that if you lost them as a friend you'd lose yourself, you'd never be whole again, you'd probably end up killing yourself, it wouldn't be fair would it? You couldn't do that to anyone, because its not fair on them :/ But I don't know what to do, because keeping them hooked to me, keeping them with me is stopping them from moving on, stopping them from being truly happy, but I want and NEED them in my life... Its not just about losing a friend, its about losing part of my heart, its about... I don't even know -.- Sorry, for blabbing to you all, I just don't know what to do... Any ideas? <3