I lost my rolling pin.

Do you know when people are trying to tell you to find that rock to hold onto in harsh waters, that rock that can save your life... Mine was a rolling pin. You may find this odd, but my rock was  rolling pin charm, that my...I don't know what she is to me anymore, its all messed up. But this person gave me this rolling pin charm for my necklace (Because I'm a charm collector, well a memory collector, each charm means something different memory and help wise) and it was my rock. It was the thing that I thought I could hold onto when times got tough... But I lost it. And I lost them. The person I talked about in my last post, I lost them, they read my blog, I forgot my thoughts weren't my own... I forgot they read this, But they did, and I lost them. After trying so hard to keep them, to make them happy, I did EVERYTHING for this person, and... they just let me go, just like that. Like it didn't even hurt them to do it. I have nothing left to hold onto... And I don't know what I'm going to do. I just, I thought after everything I'd done for them, things would be different, apparently not, it turns out, it doesn't matter what you do, if they don't want to keep you as a friend anymore, they just toss you aside... I cut again today. I re-wrote my suicide note and I cut. (Yes, I write suicide notes in my spare time, its not for attention, it makes me feel better, after writing them, I re-read them and find things within them that give me a reason to continue living, there wasn't much in it this time...) Thanks for listening <3