Not your everyday awkwardness.

I hate this. Yes, I know its a little awkward between us. Yes I know you hate me. But GET OVER IT! Fucks Sake. What is your problem? So, we aren't together anymore, So What?! Its not the end of the fucking world, there is no reason to act like such a cow is there, No. GAHH! I feel like every time we make a little bit of progress you go back to Hating me. Tell me how I'm supposed to live like this, constantly having to guess your mood to decide whether or not to talk to you, if you're in a crappy mood I have to avoid you all together, I can't even do stupid little things like accidentally tap you with my foot... Because you flinch away. Don't you know how crappy that makes me feel?! How insecure it makes me? As if I wasn't insecure enough already. And if you're in a good mood there's always an underlying awkwardness, there's always the question of if I do tap you with my foot by chance on that stupid radiator will you go crazy, or will you not care. Your mood swings are driving me crazy and I know you've been avoiding me, how can we ever think about being best friends again if you avoid me, you avoid speaking to me, you avoid any contact, its a piss take. And no matter what you say, no matter how hard you think you're trying to be nice and friendly with me, you're clearly not, you may think you are, but we've gone back to how we were before we really knew each other, that period in time where you hated me, where you didn't think I was worth it... And once again I'm wondering if I am, if all this time I'm spending trying to be friends with you, trying to make it less awkward between us, is just a waste, is just something you're doing to string me along, to make it seem like we might be friends one day, just to pull that shred of hope out of me... I hate this indecisive-ness, I hate not knowing, I hate having NO-ONE to talk to about anything, I hate Everything. Why can't we just go back to the time before October 2nd, before everything got complicated... cant we just go back? Please :/ So how were your weeks guys? Anything interesting happen? Let me know :') ? <3