My heart is out at sea... my heads all over the place...

Pain. An insurmountable price to pay for actions and wrong doings... We all have pain, for one thing or another, some have more pain than others, a few barely have any pain, they think they're on top of the world, their time will come though. I have a lot of pain at the moment, my body feels like I imagine a bugs would when you squashed it (almost makes me feel sorry for the bugs I've squashed...Almost) I have a pain in the arse sister, that's growing up and making my life more difficult. I have a pain of a body that seems to like the building of muscle, but hate the burning of fat... On the upside I have some powerful legs :L I mean on one of these machines in the fitness suite at school today, most girls barely get up to like 100... the fat ones (Most of them) barely get past 60 without breaking a sweat. And I was up there hauling this weight of 140 around... I was pretty impressed... But yeah, it caused me pain afterwards xD my legs felt like they were on fire, I suppose its a good thing, it shows they still work... And NOW I have some pain in the ass bitch on my case because she's confused as to what me and my friend are... She says I'm stupid because I hate the word relationship, but I cant help hating the word, there are too many strings and stereotypes attached to that word it makes my skin Crawl. I get literal shudders when someone says that word... Everything's irritating me at the moment, I get really mad at the little things that most people miss, I nearly had some sort of nervous breakdown yesterday because the papers on my groups table weren't tidy (it didn't help that we were doing a "Super learning day" and I thought it was tedious, it irritated me so) But yeah, I got irritated, at paper... I think things are getting bad again, I thought the voices were being slowly suppressed by my "strong willpower" but they're coming on thick and fast again, only I don't know why, I'm exercising, I'm barely eating, I'm doing everything they told me to do, yet they still insist on calling me things that just make me feel like crap, if its supposed to be motivation it sucks, the only way they seem to get through to me and help me realise what they want me to do is when I make lovely little incisions into my skin with a blade... Not to deep, just enough to let the mind clear and stuff, only then am I truly focused on what needs to be done... Sorry for not writing in a while, I've had nothing important to write about, but I felt I was neglecting you for not writing, so there we go <3