Broken heartstrings and burnt out marionettes...

So yeah, my title has nothing to do with anything, I was reading a book the other week about puppets and puppeteers and this popped into my head, I just remembered it so you got to see it first xD There's a lot of firsts going on today, I told my friend that she was right and I was wrong for the...first time in all the time I'd known her, I admitted I was wrong. She was shocked, she actually wrote it down xD I told her it was the last time she'd ever hear that coming out of my mouth so she felt the need to document it :L I took the first steps towards getting some...proper help today. I called the clinic that foolishly sent me that letter today, during school time but that's not relevant. I told them my concerns and my worries and my distress at being sent letters and this person listened and talked me out of just cutting off all contact with the clinic (don't know how, when I started the conversation I was adamant I wasn't going seeing some psychiatrist) and he said he'd see what he could do about the appointment so it helped my concerns and made it easier for me to not actually be seen there or anything. I felt... Better maybe? after just hearing that things could be done so that I could see them but I could feel safe in the knowledge that no one would ever know? I promised myself that no matter how bad it got, I wouldn't let them put me on anti-depressants, because I like my emotions, even if they are seriously heightened and crazy and hurt sometimes... I don't want to be emotion-less, I just want to, Feel less. Um, I have, nothing else to report, apart from the fact I've barely eaten all day, I had an 80cal, ice cream, and I was sucking on rock all through dinner just to keep the stomach pains and noises down to a minimum, and now I'm about to have a 203 cal curry, which isnt that bad because that means my whole intake was under 500 calories today :) and we went into the fitness suite at school today, and I'ma do more exercise after my tea and hopefully I'll be thinner by Christmas, with any luck I'll be sorted for college next year, I'll be thin and gorgeous and everyone will envy me :3 I wish, anyway, bye darlings <3