You're so good at compliments its unreal, fuck off.

I was told I looked scary today, that the way I looked freaked someone out, oh, okay thanks for that boost of my confidence there...They said I had weird eyes, they were too big, that I had a weird looking face, and because I don't speak a lot I just listen to what others are saying I remind this person of an alien, again, keep the compliments coming huh? That was possibly the thing that hurt the most about the whole day, I thought I'd found a group of friends that wouldn't judge me on the way I looked, that wouldn't make me feel like a Total outcast (I will always be an outcast in all groups, but I'd like to feel a little bit accepted) but I obviously hadn't, they're the same as everyone else and I'm still a freak. Some of the people in the group wanted to analyse me, they said all this stuff and thought they were right, little did they know that I am aware of all of my 'tells' on certain topics so I adjusted them accordingly to make them believe what I wanted them to, the perks of having counsellors etc. These people don't know how wrong they are, its hilarious, but they'd probably find it weird that I was aware of my 'tells' so I'll once again keep it a secret. I hate feeling like a freak, it happens everywhere, I can never get away from this branding. I can completely change my whole persona and I'm still a freak in some way or another. These people at college think I'm one of those people who try to act smart but is actually dumb as fuck, Maybe I'm not the most intellectual person in the world but I'm not thick. I have this weird pitch to my voice that makes everything I say sound like...the stupid blonde's voice on all bad american films, like I'm constantly asking questions instead of making statements, that isn't my fault though, I can't help the pitch of my voice, it developed that way all on its own, that was fuck all to do with me. I wish I could be one of those people that made friends easily, actual friends though, not just people who put up with me because I was there, but I'm not, I suck at keeping up conversation because I stare off into space too much, I don't like small talk, there are more important things to be doing, and yes, I stare, because I like to look at people instead of getting nervous about the imperfections on the walls. I don't like the fact people judge me before they know me, I hate being judged, its like, what gives them the right to think they're better than me, to make assumptions about me, so what if my eyes are slightly too large for comfort, does that mean I don't deserve friends, ever? I really hope not, maybe I can get surgery or something...Bye my Angels <3