I haven't pulled my hair out since I was 5. What happened?

Last night I went a bit psycho. I'm not even sure why or what I was doing to get me to the point of no return, I was just lying here, staring at the ceiling as I do most nights and thinking. That's my error, but I can never stop thinking, it plagues me all the time (-.-) So I was just lay there, 4 am, the usual, and then something just snapped and I started pulling at my hair and then it was out, it was in my hand like it was never attached to my head at all. I didn't feel disgusted or concerned about the fact I'd just pulled my hair out of my head, I felt a sort of calm, calm that I didn't think I could've felt, I know I should've felt pain at ripping it out but I didn't, it brought me some of the release that cutting does, not as much, but some of it...I woke up this morning with the hair on my pillow, my sister was concerned but I told her I'd probably just had a bad dream. I'm quite glad I didn't pull it out somewhere noticeable I just have this little bald patch underneath the top part of my hair now. I'm not sure how to feel about it actually, I don't think its normal for me to pull my hair out, I guess it could be...I'm so confused.  Do you know that feeling where you're drowning? Everything is getting on top of you and you want to crawl in a hole and die? Yeah, that's been my mood for the past few months now, I guess I just snapped and tried to take control of it yesterday, failed to, but at least I tried (:/) Ew, I have work to do anyway, I'm telling you this to distract myself from it. Bye my Angels <3