My body does it for me now...

I think my body is taking it upon itself to abuse me now a days. I don't mind. The past few days I've woken up with new gouge marks from where I've scratched away at layers of skin, hair on my pillow from where its been pulled out of my head, splits in my bottom lip and skin ripped off of either side of my fingernails, so naturally they bled, a lot. To say I'm in pain would be an understatement, my hip stings like a bitch because I cut it rather a lot every night, my stomach is moaning at me to get food because I've fed it the bare minimum I can get away with this week and my head is screaming at me, usually that doesn't hurt so much because I'm used to it but they're being particularly spiteful today, I guess the fact we have no painkillers in this house because I've taken them all might be a reason why I feel the pain more today than a lot of other days...I'm not in the mood for conversation with anyone, because no one understands, the people I talk to usually are all happy and carefree, they wouldn't understand why I can't laugh today, they wouldn't understand any of this. I hope this hair pulling thing quiets the fuck down, I quite like my hair when its going how I want it to so it'd be a shame if I lost it all. I guess it'd just be another thing that proved I was a disgusting human being who deserved nothing she liked but...I'm so tired, my sister hasn't been turning her laptop off until stupid times in the morning and then hasn't been able to sleep for like 4 hours after that, so I'm awake at 7am trying to get to sleep because I cant sleep until after she does and she knows this, she's so selfish its unbelievable. I think I've had less than 3 hours sleep this past week and a half. I wouldn't mind this, but I have college work to do and revision and I cant keep focused enough to do it. I'm going to fail college, I can tell, I suck at everything, why should my exam marks be any different from the norm? I think the amount of blood that's been forced out of me by cutting and peeling skin off fingers etc can't be very good for making me not tired, I remember about 6 months ago I had one of my monthly breakdowns and I snapped and just kept slicing my hip for ages and when it stopped bleeding I'd slice it again and I fainted and felt awful for almost 2 months, I feel like I did then, but not on as large a scale, I often wonder what'd have happened if I'd have just kept slicing, I might've died from blood loss, or someone could've found me and I'd have ended up in hospital in the psych ward (I'm really trying to avoid that place) high on various assortments of pills, either way death or pills sounds appealing right now, stupid past me, always screwing things up for present me. Anyway, psychology isn't going to do itself. Bye my Angels <3