Finally found my red beaded bracelet :')

I found the most beautiful red beaded bracelet today, its so perfect. I've been searching for one for ages and they've never been right but this one is lovely, if you've been an avid reader of my blog for at least a year you'd know why I wanted one, in fact, it doesn't take a genius to work it out. I think today is the only one this week that's gone okay, I saw my friends, I bought new nailvarnish/lipbalm (which tastes amazing)/eyeliner, I had fun which is a rarity for me. I'm so tired though its unreal. It kills me to be happy, that sounds so emo, but I already do the cutting of an 'emo' so I may as well have the emotions also eh? I feel like all of my energy goes into this pretending, I cant sleep properly so I'm not getting any of it back, its like, the pretending and the lies are slowly killing me or something, who knows. My doctors appointment is booked for next week, apparently they'll take blood from me and its going to hurt, I'm going to faint or throw up, I just know it. I love blood when I'm taking it out of myself, but I hate needles, I cant cope with how far they go into you. Plus, when I had to have my cancer jabs at school one of the nurses stuck the needle in my arm, told me it was in the wrong place, took it out and stabbed me with it again and scraped my muscle with it. That needle brought me so much pain. I'm trying not to think about it but I'm so scared, the poor nurse will wish she/he hadn't asked for my blood, I'm cringing now just thinking about it. Ew, I'm going to bed, tiredness is taking over and as much as I'd love to stay and talk forever I cant. Bye my Angels <3