Knots in my stomach are burning holes in me.

I feel so unstable tonight, I feel like at any minute I could snap at someone or cry. My stomach has been in knots all day like it knows about something that I don't and its making me nervous as hell and I'm feeling the pressure in everything. Its not those nice kind of stomach knots though that show you you're really hungry, its the 'I feel like I'm going to throw up but there's nothing in my stomach' so I cant even deal with it well, they aren't even leaving when I dose up. I think maybe its this meeting with this woman (R) I'm supposed to be having tomorrow, I feel like she can see right through everything I say, right into my brain to the truth, its unnerving as hell. I don't know what I'll say to her, she knows when I lie so I can't even use my normal tricks on her, I have no idea what's going to happen, there are no scenario's I can work on in my head because I'm shooting in the dark on this matter. Yep, that's definitely what they're for, they just tightened again, I don't think I can deal with this right through until half 10 tomorrow, I'll go mad(der). I guess harsher cutting is on the rota for tonight's festivities then, that is the only way I'll be getting some peace from this tummy twisting. We were doing about stress and CBT in Psychology today and my teacher was like 'I've never had CBT, but I hear its really good' I sat there thinking; its really not all its made out to be, its pretty bad actually, or at least, it didn't help me. We also learnt about drugs and depression and anxiety, I was almost laughing when she asked if 'we knew anyone who suffered from depression and or anxiety but that we probably shouldn't because its not very normal' I was almost dying. So I guess I'm not very normal then huh? Who knew. I adore psychology it amuses me how people get so shocked at things and I'm sat there keeping to myself making a mental check-list of all the things I have that we discuss. My constant stinging headache is back with a vengeance.  Its a killer I swear, I stop listening to the voices for 2 days and my head feels like its imploding, that'll teach me for trying to be in control. I think for now I've hit the bottom of the ocean of darkness I keep getting thrown into, so I'm just dealing with the constant battle the only way I know how, self medicating. Its probably not a good idea, or a healthy one, but what can I say, when people hand me pills they no longer need or want, who am I to refuse them? I hope this (R) woman doesn't pick up on the fact I won't exactly be...fully with it tomorrow, ah well, even if she does, I'm not giving up my releases, I cant, its impossible, she'll have to deal with it. Bye my Angels <3