Oh look, I'm not dead!

So after my scary breakdown yesterday, I drank a lot, I got calmer and I'm now going to be okay for another month or so. I hate that I have to resort to something as scary as that every month just to stay sane-ish... It really sucks. I wish I had healthy outlet for this. One that wasn't crazy, one that didn't make me worse with very day I do it. But I'm no good at sports, swimming costs too much to do all the time, and I don't have the patience for stuff like sewing or knitting or anything like that... I'm okay. I'm better now I've had my monthly meltdown, everything's squashed back down inside of me, hidden back in my draw at the back of my head, behind the walls I've built. Now I'm calm, now I'm safe.
I didn't cut. I almost did, I was so close, the blade was resting on my skin type close. But I didn't, I was stronger. The voicey-ribbons got out of their box's though, they're back to wreaking havoc on my brain, they made it known today that they weren't leaving again, that they'd always be there, to taunt, hurt, punish me. They hate me. I don't blame them, I locked them away in dark, cold boxes in the most untouched part of my brain, they're out for revenge on me now. I think if they could, they'd talk me into walking out of my window...
I am sending out a big thank you to:
Little Miss Thin <3
Jenna Faerie
Kate
and Englishrose
I don't think that I would've been able to cope without your kind words. I think I might've given up. Seriously, I owe you guys one. I don't even know how I could possibly ever make it up to you.
So yeah, just letting everyone know that I haven't killed myself or something, and now that you all know I haven't snapped, I'll be off, bye my Angels <3