I Need to not think anymore...

My siblings are back now. So I'm no longer a fake only child, which sucks. I miss being able to do what I want when I want. I'm going to have to be looking after my sister ALL the time now. Even though she's 12 so she can actually look after herself. But because she's the baby of the family I have to do everything for her (-.-) I am supposed to be going to see (Fire) at sometime within the week, but I'm not sure exactly How I will get out of the house long enough to go and see her but yeah...It should be interesting. She wants me to stop cutting, like permanently, and I don't know how I'm going to do it because its the only thing keeping me calm, keeping me sane. And I'm trying to not do it, but its so fucking hard, I mean, I could've done it if I was still seeing my friends with the drugs, but I'm not doing that much anymore, and I'm not drinking as much anymore, because I'm not trying to wish my life away right now, so there's Nothing to keep my mind occupied, nothing to help me, not a single thing. I'm drawing but its not helping much, I'm writing, but everything I write ends up sinister and depressing, I'm doing an obscene amount of exercise but even that's not helping. I can't sleep properly, I can't think properly, I don't want to eat, don't want to go outside, I just want to have my mind taken away so I don't have to think, don't have to remember, don't have to hear the constant stream of voices telling me how I'm not good enough to be alive...I just want this month to be Over.
I Need this month to be over. But yeah, bye my Angels <3