Sitting here waiting up, why am I waiting?

I had time to ponder over the meaning of life today, it was such an enriching time to be able to think...Jokes of course I had no fucking free time at all. I got to school, first lesson I was talking to a friend about her problems, I was helping her, again. I had backed up lessons, coursework, homework, assessments, I walk home, I get changed, I cleaned up, I did revision, homework, reading, exercise, I made tea, I looked after my sister and her friend whilst mother went to bed she claimed she was 'ill' its now like 10 past 8 and I'm still not done, I have more exercise to do, I have more revision/homework/studying to do. I have to have a shower, I have to make my sister have a shower, I have to put her to bed, I have to put her to bed again because she won't go to sleep, I have to read again because one of my counsellors told me that when we limit our calorie intake our brains shrink, so I'm reading to keep it normal size... During this time I was supposed to make time to think about my situation, think about what's going on in my head, what I'm going to do about my counsellor's situation, I mean I adore the fact that they're all there like 'we want to help you' but actually, I'm not sure that they talk to me because they want to help me, I think they do it because they're getting paid for it. (Fire) hasn't been in the past two days, the two days I needed her the most...The days that everything's been going crappy. I needed to talk to her, and she wasn't here, but I'm coping, I'm okay, (I'm not okay) <3