1. I've jumped back onto the cutting boat...And it set sail, so there's no chance of me getting off any time soon.
2. I had a sort of breakdown the other day, like the ones I had the other year, where I couldn't think straight and I was all panicky and I couldn't talk to anyone, It sucked, and I ran away from my counsellor, the only one I like. I really regret that...I wish I'd have just talked to her, but I couldn't, and I know she says she hasn't lost faith/trust in me,but pair the running off on her with the cutting and I know she's disappointed. I try my best to make her happy, because she's my favourite, she treats me good, she doesn't pussy-foot around me and act like I'm about to commit suicide if she asks me about touchy subjects. She's amazing and I'm grateful I've had the privilege to talk to her.
3. I PASSED GERMAN! Yes my dear friends, you can all scream in disbelief and jump for joy, I passed my speaking test (Like into an actual microphone, the thing I have an irrational phobia of) AND that's not all I did, I got a B in it. Yes my darlings, that's right, be jelly ;D
In other news, I saw another one of my counsellors today, We'll call him...(Irrit) (As in a shortened version of irritation...Clever, I know :L) He gave me the results for two of the three mental heath quizzes I took the other week, I am the poster child for problems -.- Everything he said that part of the quiz highlighted, I was doing, or was below average in...Aren't I amazing, bet a lot of you can't say you won all the quiz's (-.-) I really hoped that I could have a bit of normality in me, really hoped that I could...Play on that tiny bit of normality and let him think I was the picture of sanity, so I wouldn't have to see Him anymore. But no, the only thing these quiz's showed him was that I Needed to see him more. I'm so lucky. EUGH! He tried asking me about touchy subjects today, and he'd asked me a load of questions in the session already that I'd begrudgingly answered because he wasn't letting them go, but when it got towards the end of the session, I just thought, 'fuck it, I've given you more than enough today, and now, you're being cocky and thinking that you can get everything you want out of me because I've told you a few tiny things...' So when he asked again, I stood up, collected my things, and said, 'Look at the time, its past that you're paid to see me' and left. Running outside to cry, because I couldn't let my favourite counsellor (Lets call her, Fire, after my favourite thing to show power...) see me cry, its not fair on her, but she understood, she went in and talked to Irrit, about what I do not know...But he seemed satisfied enough when I walked back into the room, composed and collected, (she worked her magic again, I'm so lucky...) (:3) and yeah, then I fell asleep in the library because my nights haven't been spent sleeping, they've been spent revising German and doing Homework, so I'm fatigued, How have your days I haven't been here been? Lonely ;D ? Write me back, I'd love to hear about them, Here's your thinspo <3
Counselors...bleh. They're fun to deal with -_- I'm happy that you have one you can trust though :)That's lucky. And yay for not just passing, but getting a B in German :D Cutting...I know exactly what you mean by the mental release it has...exactly. I've recently stopped though, because I found someone who understood, that I love. We stopped together. And I just got done reading your entire blog...may I say that you are stunning, despite what the ribbons whisper? Useless opinion, and it won't stop the voices, but I thought it should be said. :P
ReplyDelete~Raven
Thank you honey, it helps to know people think that sometimes, my blog isn't that great though, its just my mindless ramblings <3
ReplyDeleteYeah, but I get your mindless ramblings :P...oh the random things I think and create xD And, just an offer as a random person, seeing how we do have somewhere along the same thinking style it seems, and I'm pretty sure we're around the same age, you can talk to me about whatever if you wish to :P I like listening to mindless rambles xD See? I also ramble, otherwise this freaking comment wouldn't be so long :P
ReplyDeleteI shall take that offer up sometime :) and long comment are the best, if people read them, you know they're amazing and give one ;D <3
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks :D Judging from what bits I know of you, you're amazing as well ^_^ And yes, I do most definitely give one, if not more xD
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