I bleed just to know I'm alive...

So for those of you who read my last post, you'll know that (Fire) is my favourite counsellor. For those of you who didn't (Shame on you) Now you do too. I keep putting (Fire) in a really awkward position, because I'm in a depressive/down stage at the moment (I'm sure all of you can relate) but as much as I go in there and try NOT to tell her anything, try to make her not worried, I cant help it, there's just something about her that Makes me tell her, regardless of how strong willed I am when I go in, a tear most always escapes its prison cell when I talk to her...She makes me know I'm still alive, not just a shell. I cant stop telling her things that make her worry, she wants to talk to my mother, she wants to yell at my mother and tell her to be a better parent, I have odd little daydreams of (Fire) beating my mother up, and I almost tell myself that she could help if she talks to mother, but then I have visions of Mother beating (Fire) and I just cant let her do it. I know how psycho my mother is, I know what she can do, how she lies to herself to make everything okay, how strong she is, how much it would kill me to see her hurt (Fire) too... That's a weird thing to say about  counsellor, but I mean it about anyone, I cant let her hurt someone who's trying to help me...Its not right...Is it?
I've also been thinking long and hard, about whether or not to give (Fire) the link to this blog, or whether it would cause me more problems...Suggestions? I really need help on this matter, I don't know whether it would help me more if she knew about all of you people, if she knew about the part of my life I hide from her, or if it wouldn't help at all, because she'd have to tell someone, and then my life would be over...Because they'd tell mother, and then she'd kill (Fire) and everyone else, me included, and this time, I really think she would, I just don't know whether I can trust (Fire) all that much, I know somewhere, in some place deep down that if I trusted her with this, she wouldn't want to use it against me, but can I really trust that place whole-heartedly? Do I take the chance and jump, and just hope she's there to catch me? Or stay on the bridge and throw away the thought? <3