Every time I close my eyes, its like a dark paradise...

This week, its my last week at school, (un-officially) I technically have to still go in for revision sessions and stuff, but I don't have to be in all the time if I don't have exams in the subjects I have lessons for... I'm Shit Scared. I don't want to leave. I know its a good thing, and I've been downplaying it really, saying how I'm glad to be leaving, going off to make new friends, meet new people, make a different identity for myself, but I don't want to just...Leave! I'm excited for leaving of course, I can't wait. But I've spent the last five/six years of my life with these people, some of them I've been with since nursery, that's like 13 years or something, and now we're all going our separate ways, all my friends, my best friends, they're all going different places to me, and then what will happen?! Oh its so confusing. And what about my counselling? All these people that want to pick at me and find things out, they've all come from like, school. So what will happen to me then? Do I just go back to how I was? Back to crazy? Do I want to go back? Would it be such a bad thing?
I think, Lana Del Ray talks about drugs all the time, so I reckon this summer, I'ma turn druggy.  Obviously not all the time, but I'm not going to let anything stop me this summer, this summer is mine. Its All Mine, and I AM going to do with it what I want to. Plus, drugs sound fun. They'll help me escape for a while, I need to escape.
I realise I'm not making sense, but what the heck eh? You'll all be able to keep up with me, I'm sure of it, and those who cant, well, come back another time and I'll try and explain my irritating scatological thoughts to you...I think I have to see one of my counsellors this week, for like the last time. I was rude to him about two weeks ago when I last saw him, and I'm not sure I'll be any better this week. I have so much going on, I told the people that need my help that I was taking a weekend off, so all of their problems will be waiting for me tomorrow, I just needed a weekend off. But because I took that weekend they'll all be really stressed out and a lot of them will have probably done stupid things and I know it sounds like I always think of the worst in people, but its what happens, and so all week I'll be back-logged two days of helping and I'm going to be stressed as fuck. I hope he'll understand. Maybe he won't, who the hell cares?! I'm helping people, he cant be mad at me for doing something he's paid to do, for free, can he? So yeah, I'm going to be drained in the morning from the time I leave the house and talk to the first person on my list. And I still have to go to school and try to act normal and happy and stuff, this is going to be a fun week. I don't think I'm up for it. I don't know what to do, I've snapped at my friends way too many times this year and I don't think they'll be able to deal with it again, but I won't have the time to mess around and be light-hearted tomorrow because I'll have to be so serious -.- Things are so messed up, Oh the life of a struggling problem child, woe is me and all that crap. I have to go, night bitches <3