And let the screaming begin.

(Insert-Lengthy-High-Pitched-Ear-Drum-Smashing-Scream-Here.)
Today was national yell at ~X~ day. It was also national blame everything on ~X~ and make ~X~ feel bad day. I'm not even joking. Woke up this morning, got yelled at by my sister because she was woken two minutes late, got made to feel bad for sister by sister because her friend is bullying her and it was somehow my fault. I get to school more people start, I call my friend at dinner (the one in the hospital) and she makes me feel bad because they won't let her do anything by herself and she just wants to die. She wants me to find a way to get her something to kill herself with, and that I cant tell anyone she wants to try. My friend at school yells at me then, for some reason god-only knows. I yell back, but its all my fault because I walked away instead of sitting there and taking all this shit from her about how I'm too serious and I can never just have a laugh, Well I'm fucking sorry but everything around me right now is being held up by fine little puppet strings, I'm trying to piece myself back together, there are exams coming up and life's pretty serious at the moment, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?  Then I get home and get yelled at again because I apparently ignored someone in the street. 1. I didn't see them. 2. Who the fuck cares? 3. Its not the end of the world so why make me feel bad dick'ed. I'm trying to keep composure, its been two weeks and 3 days since I last cut and I really want to make it to a month, but its really hard and everything's crumbling and I just cant deal with anymore pettiness. I cant do it, I have to be serious to stop a mental breakdown. I don't think people understand how close to the edge I am. And I don't want them to understand because they'll just pussy-foot around me and be all scared like 'oh we don't want to be the reason she breaks down, we'll be extra careful around her' but then, because I haven't told them, they just...they don't know. And they will continue to act like this unless I tell them. (Insert-Another-Lengthy-Scream-Into-Pillow-Here) Right, I need to go and do something productive, like read or write, or I'm just go' get myself down, <3