1.) Message Father because you're made aware that he is back in the country you reside in by his friends, not him.
2.) Get told to stop pestering him because you're a waste of space.
3.) Be surprised when he asks to see you, and be sorry that you have things planned for the day he wanted to see you.
4.) Find out that your Nanny was the real reason for him asking to see you, because he doesn't actually have the time or the effort to see you, you're too much of a money-grabbing waste of space.
5.) Sit there and take it when he calls you everything under the sun, because he's your Father, the only one you have, and its only fair that he should be allowed to voice his opinions.
6.) Get told you aren't wanted.
7.) Cry. A LOT. On your favourite counsellor, and your teddy, and your shower water.
8.) Cut. A LOT. Cover your hips and the tops of your thighs in cuts, nice deep cuts. If you're a waste of space, you should get rid of that which takes up the space, yes?
9.) DRINK. The solution to all life's major problems can be solved by alcohol. Preferably vodka. Because you're a classy mother-fucker.
10.) Contemplate dying. All The Time.
That was a fun day yesterday, this happened like half an hour after yesterdays' post. The things I did aren't necessarily in the order of how I did them, its just what I did... But yeah, now I'm unwanted by Both of my parents. (Fire) tried to tell me today that maybe I just didn't know what had happened with the situation, that maybe he had been told something to make him believed I hated him or something, but that's not the case. She tried to tell me that I was wanted and loved and that everything would be okay...I'm not wanted. I'm not loved (as is apparent by the fact that my parents don't love me, if the people who made me don't love me, I'm fucked, yes?) and nothing will ever be okay. I cried so much today, I swear I was like, connected to the River Thames or something, they just kept falling from my eyes, I felt like some deranged water-fountain that had finally found its function or something. I hate crying, especially around (Fire) I hate looking weak to her, its just another reason why she might realise I'm not worth her effort one day, she won't have to realise this soon though, I'm leaving school. I'm no longer in her care or something, I'll leave and she'll never have to have me darkening her doorways ever again. It un-nerves me a little that she can get to me so much, that she can get me to see everything so much so that I'm driven to tears, I suppose when someone who's supposed to be helping you makes you cry because you've finally let things out that have been bothering you for millenniums it means they're doing their job right and you're normal...Right? I don't know, I'm not coherent right now, I'll leave you be... <3
Sorry I read the other one 1st. It makes me sad that this happened to you. I say turn it around and live your life as you see fit. Become successful and shove it in his face later.
ReplyDeleteAnother story. I knew this guy in highschool who was a twin. He was born 2 minutes after his brother. His parents treated him like shit. I mean they never wanted him happy, ever. They eventually told him we wish you were never born.
I have never seen such hateful people oh and they didn't like me because I was black, no surprise there. Anyway after we finished highschool not only did he manage to get the hell away from them he got from under his dad too. He worked for his father while living with them. My friend ended up getting his own apartment, car and a new job away from his folks. I have never been so proud. I have also never seen him so happy.
Not telling you want to do but I want you to be happy.