Just tear up my heart, I can't stand to feel anymore.

Here I am, three weeks before Yule. Really excited that I get to see my daddy again, that he was coming home for the holidays, coming home to see me. WAS being the operative word. He isn't coming anymore he doesn't think. He won't have the time to see me this year. Or next year. Next January is my 16th birthday, there were two things in life my father promised me when he moved to America. 1. That he would be home for the holiday season, because it wasn't fair on me if he wasn't there. 2. That he, no matter where he was on the globe, would always make it home for my 16th, 18th, and 21st birthday. Because they are the most important ones. Well apart from the 13th one but... You get my gist. I'm putting on a happy face, telling everyone I'm fine and its okay and everything when they say sorry, but its not them who should be saying sorry, Its him. He went back on the only promises he had EVER made to me. The ones I thought he would follow through on. Apparently he will know today if he's coming home for the holidays, he has to discuss it with his Fiancé and his work and his new family. It doesn't matter to him that they aren't actually related to him. All those 5 children get more love than I do. His own flesh and blood. His ONLY child. But that doesn't matter, because I was the mistake from his old life. The mistake that should have been a boy but wasn't. The mistake he didn't want after he found out my gender, and that I wasn't going to be a footballer or a Goth. But I'm fine, Its okay. That's what I'm here for, to be pushed aside with the rest of the people from this old life of his, it shouldn't surprise me, he's never followed through with anything he said he was going to do. I just thought that maybe, just maybe he might follow through with his promises. Since there's only two and all, it doesn't seem that hard to me. <3