It was perfect, and I'll hold it in my mind...

My counsellor is well again... She's back in school. She's trying to urge me to go to all these meetings with these other people she thinks can help me. I'm not so sure. In an odd way, I'm glad she's back? I don't feel like I have to spill anything to my friends now? I feel... Stronger in the knowledge that none of my friends have to be brought into anything? I don't know, it sounds crazy, but she missed the weeks in my life where I probably needed her the most. So much went on that she needs to be caught up on, but how do you go about catching someone up on your life? When you're as...Closed as I am. (Wow, much love for the punctuation in tonight's post I think) Eugh, maybe I's just an attention seeker who loves people asking questions about her, pitying her, being all "Oh it will get better" Pshht. Yeah, definitely me. I jokes of course, or do I O.o Sorry, I'm going off on my own train of thought right now but I'm sure some of you know where I'm coming from? Ah well... Ana, she's back in full swing in my head, I think the way my dad decided to tell me he didn't love/care about me sort of pushed me over the edge? I don't know, but what I Do know is that she's ALWAYS there, she doesn't want to rest her words in my mind for even a second for fear I'll try and push her out again. She hated when I ate my sammich at dinner today, I hated it. But I had to show her I'd changed, I was stronger... That doesn't mean she'll give up, in fact she'll probably try harder to get me back on her extremely narrow path, all my hard work trying to... Free myself from voices in my head and people/things telling me what to do. It was just a waste, I should've known she'd come back at any opportunity she got, she's rather fond of the insults right now anyway, many many insults. All small and soul crushing, about a fatter me. Gahh, now I'm offloading onto you... Sorry :/ I just, I don't know, my thoughts are all jumbled right now, all mixed in with things I'm not thinking, and this headache -.- It makes me want to curl up and give up on life -.- Have a nice night guys <3