Just take the responsibility.

There are so many pictures out there blaming society for what its done to the youth of the world, I guess its just another way to blame someone other than ones self for the damage done, I don't blame society for showing me pictures of thin people, I don't blame it at all, I blame myself, for getting fat in the first place, if I didn't get fat, then I'd look like those people. I don't see the point in blaming something that just...shows us what we want to see, no offence intended but if fat girls were on the cover of vogue all the time, that magazine would fall through quicker than paper in water. It isn't 'today's society' that's ruining us, because we've Never liked to think we were fat. I'm sick of all the blame for everyone's mistakes being put on everything else, man up and take responsibility for your own actions. Society hasn't been personified, its isn't walking around out there forcing you to do what you've done, it didn't put that blade in your hand, it didn't stick your fingers down your throat. Rant Over.
 So I've been feeling pretty...unusually terrible lately, I'm on about a 0.3 where I used to be on about 1.5, which I guess isn't all that good. Ever noticed how your fake smiles get so much better when you feel worse? I guess its just something that comes with it. So far I've redrafted the note I'm going to leave behind about 8 times, it just doesn't seem finished yet, there's something missing from it, I'll figure it out eventually, I mean, you can't have some really bad note as the last thing they'll have of yours can you? Lately I seem to be running out of blades very quickly, its like I have no restriction on how much I use them anymore, where once it was a one time per night thing I can now be doing it up to 12 times throughout the night. I have a stupid sleeping pattern, I sleep for about 3 hours every other night. I've had more time to write though, which might not be such a good thing in everyone's eyes, lately I've taken to writing lists, lists of things I want, how I want to look, what I don't want, words to describe myself, things like that. I think they're beautiful really, the order in them, the neatness, how my thoughts are organised perfectly instead of a jumbled mess like they will always be in my head. Bye my Angels <3