I wish I could be a better friend.

I have that crappy feeling where I know I have no one, yet my brain still persists to tell me that I need to talk to someone. My best friend needs me right now, and I can't help her because my mum hates her, I'm sick of my life being ruled by that controlling cow's mood swings and grudges. I want to be able to see my best friend all the time, any time I want to, not when I can sneak out without my mum finding out. I think she's starting to want to distance herself from me because I can't be there for her when she needs me to, I'm sorry that I am a really big fuck up of a best friend but its not my fault I have a psycho mother. Today has been one of those days where I've been 'Completely fine :)' and wanting to die. I don't know why that thought has been entering my head so much recently but it has, that is pretty much all I can think about, my hips throb from the constant non stop daily cutting that happens, they're red raw and everyday seems to make the cuts go deeper and deeper, probably because they haven't healed. My head is in so much pain so I take the paracetamol (I'm up to around 32 in 2 days now) but it doesn't help. I'm moaning now, how silly of me, I might get to see (Fire) tomorrow if she's not ill anymore, then again, I might not, I have lots to tell her and get her advice on since I don't have anyone else to help me out with any of it. Anyway, now I have to go and cry for a while, my heart hurts and it needs to be relieved of some of its nastiness. Bye my Angels <3