Distance isn't good for a blogger.

I've been so distant lately, from everyone, everything, even this, so vague and un-explanatory. I'm sorry, only today did I realise what I truly awful blogger I was, I mean, if I'm going to have a blog isn't the point to write on it often? I've been doing reasonably well this week eating wise actually, I've eaten less than 1000 this week, however, my mother bought me ben and jerry's yesterday because she thought my report was good (first time she's ever thought I've been doing okay at anything) so I can guarantee that at some point tonight that will be eaten. I'm a sucker for tasty ice cream -.- It was the tutor group quiz today, we didn't win not by a long shot (we might've done if they didn't think I was thick and actually used my answers, for example, the vicar of dibley actress, dawn french is NOT CALLED MARGRET) I guess I just give off this aura of 'I'm a thicko, I cannot be right, ever.' I haven't seen maxine in ages and I actually need her advice. I saw the college counsellor today but she's not to be trusted yet, I don't know if I can actually tell her anything major, but unfortunately she caught me at the wrong time and I did break down a little bit, shed a tear or two, not many but she caught on, I had to make up some story about why I was crying, I think I said it was stress and tiredness getting the better of me. I don't want to see (Irrit) again. Every fibre of my being is screaming at me for agreeing and allowing this college counsellor to put me in the position where I Have to agree or go to A&E. That's what she threatened today actually, 'if you're planning on killing yourself this weekend which I know you've been wanting to do for some time, if I even catch the tiniest thought of it I will be taking you to A&E and you will have your life turned upside down, so, Are you?' Oh yeah, because after that speech I'm Obviously going to tell you if I'm planning on committing suicide. 'No, of course not, I have things to do' I'm not planning on it this weekend but still, was that speech of hers really what she thought would make me Want to tell her? If it was, she's an idiot. For the first time in ages I thought about what it would be like to be with someone today, its weird really that It was brought on by poetry but it was and that's now all I can think about. Of course it would have to be someone that can accept me, all of me, even my...Peculiarities. But its just a wish I guess, just a thought, nothing more, it will never happen because I'm not good for people and people won't ever accept me. Plus, who could ever want a freak like me? No one, that's who, I should really stop wishing for things I cant have but its in my nature to dream. I'm a dreamer and that is my downfall. I could be so good at having no feelings if I didn't dream. Anyway, I'm off. Bye my Angels <3