It'd be hard to explain it came from a dream...

Do you know what I hate, for no apparent reason...Before and after thinspo. I just hate the fact that people put pictures up on the internet of like their bodies before-hand in bikini's and stuff, I get that they're proud of what they've accomplished, but I don't want to see the starting line... It just makes me a little bit sick really, I know its mean and stuff, but I can't stand it, if and when I get to the size I want to be, then I'll put pictures of myself on the internet, but not ones highlighting how fat I was in the first place, I mean, I wouldn't want people looking at my fat belly and being repulsed by it anymore than I'd like to parade around topless in front of a bunch of old men! On the subject of stomachs (sort of) I had a really weird dream last night, I was sat down on some red chaise/sofa thingy, and then I was slicing my stomach open at the side and ripping out all the fat, and I sliced open my hip and pulled the bone out so it stuck out more. Now usually I wouldn't dwell on the dreams I have because they're fucked up, like a lot. But this one scared me because when I woke up I had this slit going from the middle of my rib cage to the top of my hip and another going right the way across my hip to the middle of the line they're like on. Just where I'd sliced in the dream. I was pretty scared actually because I mean, what if I'd have like cut somewhere needed in the dream, like my wrist or something, and it had happened in reality, I'd have been screwed . So I guess it was telling me that I need to start cutting again, and that I have to get back onto ABC so I can have the bones and stuff, but what a way to tell me huh?! (-.-) I'm just glad no one saw it or something, because I'd have had a hard time explaining that it came from a dream...I have, from tuesday next week around three weeks with only me in the house during the day, so I can really get started on not eating (or if I do, purging) and copious amounts of exercise, I've been trying to not eat as much as I  can now, and I've been doing all the exercise I can without drawing attention to myself, but its hard with people in the house with you (-.-) so when the siblings are gone, I'll be sorted! That is all, bye my Angels <3