16 Very Long Days...

Its been 16 days since my best friend fell out with me. 16 days since I had anyone to talk to about anything. 16 days of regret and and seclusion and irritation. 16 days of thinking to myself: 'why the fuck should I be the one to regret this? she's the one that told me to fuck off in no uncertain terms.' But she obviously doesn't regret it at all, she has all of her better friends around her all the time, she doesn't need to bother herself with me, I'm not worth the waste of her precious time...I've been pretty quiet about this falling out, not everyone knows, not everyone needs to know, its not their fight. Our mutual friends keep saying about going out, getting the whole group out, so we don't all lose contact, I don't correct them, why should I? She'll tell them eventually, when she gets a second of spare time. I don't correct them because its not me who has the problem with her, its the other way round, so she should be the one to tell them and explain what happened (If she can remember it since thoughts about me don't fit into her life now...)
I miss her. That is literally how I would sum all of that^ gibberish up. No fuddy-duddy words to describe it, just 3 simple ones. But as much as I miss her, as much as I wish I hadn't tried to stop her doing something she'd regret at prom, hadn't tried to do the right thing by her, there's nothing I can do about it. I know she's waiting for an apology, but what do I apologise for? For trying to do the right thing? For thinking about her actions and their repercussions? For caring about her too much? Somehow I don't think those are the apologies she's looking for...
The 13th of next month is a date I dread. I don't want it to come around, I wish I could just skip it. It even sounds ominous 'The 13th of August.' It should be a horror movie, I wouldn't watch it because I'll be on a hill crying somewhere or sat inside getting fat, crying and feeling sorry for myself. A whole year. You wouldn't think it's nearly been that long since the incident...Well, I wouldn't, maybe that's just because I've been trying to forget about it, but somehow, you can never really forget, and as the date draws closer, I feel even more alone and even more upset. I don't know what I'll do without my best friend on that day. Sorry, I'm being depressing, bye my Angels <3