I've missed rising with the sun...

I miss my drugs. I miss them like hell. I miss being able to text someone and having an escape from everything, I think I'd class cutting as a drug, because its addictive, and I need it. I need to cut like hell. I can feel everything just below the surface of my skin, begging me to let it all free, if I did I reckon I wouldn't be in as much pain, I think the pain would go with the cutting. I wish I had never made those promises to (Fire) if I hadn't I could've been completely oblivious this whole holiday. I could've been ignorant to the whole world and the fact I'm fucking up royally. I could've coped with the fact my memory of things from my childhood came back, things I now realise, my mind blocked out to help me a bit, to keep me from losing it. I'm glad college starts tomorrow, I can get back into a routine, gotta love routines...And I can throw myself into mountains of work and hide my problems behind the paper the work will be written on. Oh I have missed routine so badly. I've missed getting up at half 6 everyday, I've missed rising with the sun. Its the simple things I miss when I don't get to do them anymore...
My drinking is continuing, I've been quite content for the past 2 weeks, just drinking away life's problems because I can, so why the fuck not? I didn't make a promise about drinking... It will continue regardless of the fact I'm going to college, I mean, its not like I'm drunk, I'm just drinking enough to get rid of my inhibitions and thoughts for a while so I can appear to be more sane, that way, I'll be able to make lots of new friends at college, because no one wants to be friends with the creepy depressive girl do they...
Right kids, I'm off, let me know how you're doing and such :) bye my Angels <3