I am overly dependant on bad things...

So I've always known, from some stupidly early age that I have to have something to be dependant on, or I don't function properly, I get a bit nervy, a bit out of control, and lose my will to live...I know that sounds a tad over-dramatic, but I genuinely cannot work in life without something there as a constant that I depend on. I realise now however, that maybe the things I depend on aren't so good for me, I used to depend on reading. That was my thing, from 3 years old I would read constantly, because that was how I coped with everything, that was how I dealt with things and squashed them down into these deep dark holes at the back of my mind. But then the reading stopped working because I'd ran out of holes to squash things in. There were too many things. So I ran to Ana, then to restricting and controlling everything, then to cutting, then to drugs, then to alcohol, and it goes around in this nasty little cycle of these are the only things I am now dependant on.  They aren't good for me, because for me, I pick one thing, and I totally engross my life around it. That is my obsession, that essentially becomes my life, me. And I realise that having any of those things (bar the reading of course) as my life is dangerous as fuck...But I don't know what else to depend on. I cant think of Anything else that I could base myself on. (It doesn't help that the voicey-ribbons in my head are yelling 'no X you don't NEED anything else, we're all you need, don't listen to other people, they want you to be like them, a clone, you need all of these things with you.') FUCK OF OUT OF MY HEAD BASTARDS. So yeah, I have a question for y'all...What should I depend on from now on? And please don't make it food based, because I mean, I will Never depend on food, what if I get fatter?! Thanks if you help me :') Bye my Angels <3