So done with this week.

My flatmate left her scales in the bathroom this morning. So far my head had been content not knowing my weight, because there was no possible way for me to weight myself, so it just kind of understood I guess and let me be. I took one look at those this morning and I was weighing myself before I knew what was going on. I wish I hadn't. It was horrible, I'm actually massive. If I wasn't happy about it I assume you can imagine how unimpressed those things were. I cried for an hour after I saw that number, I've never hated myself this much, I guess the amount I hate myself definitely does depend on how large the number on the scale is. If there was any doubt in my mind about me not eating this week, its all gone now, I don't deserve to eat, my body can just survive off of the fat it obviously has plenty of stored inside me. My counsellor has put a clip on my gym use too, so I cant even go there now and just work it off, there's only so much stuff I can do in my room, but I'll do it all, like a thousand over just to get this stuff gone from my body. This is just a shit end to a reasonably shit week tbh, at least it was consistent. 
 Would it be unreasonable of me to just throw all of my food away just to make sure I don't eat it? Because that's kind of where my head is at right now, and there's no local food bank or anything to give it to, so throwing out seems like my option, maybe I'll just give it to the people in my block, someone is going to want it somewhere, just not me. 
 That boy went from great to horrid in like the space of 5 days. He became clingy and needy, but in a possessive way, like I went out with my friends for a bit yesterday and he got pissed off at me for being with them instead of him, and 'why didn't I invite him' 'don't I want him to meet my friends, to be around him' 'why am I shutting him out' 'what's wrong with me' were really the sum of that conversation. Then he got really bitchy and rude and just generally mean, so anything that was going to happen there isn't any longer. I can't be dealing with that shit. Why do I attract weird/mean guys? Like, as a general rule I haven't ever attracted a normal/nice guy, always the fucking nutters. 
 I am so done with this week and there's still another day left. Bye my Angels <3