Something else takes over for a while.

I started a binge today in college, I'd been saving up for so long to buy myself a new dress that I'd seen online and all of a sudden the dress went on sale so I had an extra £30 pounds in my pocket, that all got spent today, some at college, some afterwards. However, I didn't think about it at the time because I had the mindset of a binge/purge cycle which is really different from my logical mindset, but at college after I'd eaten everything I could, I realised that if I got caught purging at college there's a potential to be kicked out, so I did what any person in my position would do, I went to the bathroom and risked it anyway. Obviously just as I was throwing up (it takes a while for me to start because of my very poor gag reflex that doesn't want to work a lot) someone walked through the door. Even more unfortunately, it was my English teacher (the female one obviously) She knocked on the cubicle door and asked me if I was okay, I didn't answer hoping she'd go away. The tap turned on and off and the door opened and closed and after waiting for 5 minutes for any noises and hearing nothing I continued with my purging, she was still in the room, listening. After I had finished I came out of the cubicle and there she was, waiting for me with the look of pity and judgement on her face. She told me to follow her so after thoroughly washing my hands and coming up with no plan of escape since this teacher actually knew who I was and could easily call home I followed her, straight to the student services room. She took me to the wrong place though because the woman in student services already knows about my...habits, her and my old teachers had a lovely conversation and she also frequently talks to (Fire) so when my teacher told her what she caught me doing the student services woman (We'll call her C) took me into a little room and asked me what the hell I was thinking getting caught like that. I was so shocked I actually laughed. (C) doesn't approve of my habits obviously but she allows them to happen as long as I'm not caught in college doing it, so I told her I was upset and I didn't have my blade with me for help and that I had to find another way of getting it all out. She kept me in the room for an hour so the teacher I had next lesson (The teacher who had caught me in the bathroom) would think I was being dealt with and then let me go instead of sending me back to lesson. I really like making friends with people who could harm my college life, I feel a bit untouchable when I do. Obviously I'll be more careful about where I start my binge in the future but...
I hate how it takes me over though, how I completely lose control, had I kept my normal head on I'd have realised I could use that money for something other than food I hate eating, but I never do. Its like I change completely, like I become a different person altogether when I binge/purge, when I cut, when I starve myself. Changing scares me, I know its coming as odd as that sounds, I know when its going to happen my hands go numb and my head pounds above my right eye, I go dizzy for a minute and then really hyper for an hour, then it just switches me and I'm different until its finished with me. I hope someone else feels like they aren't themselves because I'm not happy if its just me. Maybe its just my lack of self-control. Who knows. Anyway! Bye my Angels <3