Falling down to the point where contemplation and reality blur.

I wish I was good enough for someone, for something, but I'm not. I never will be. No matter how much I dress up and try to pretend I'm worth something, everyone knows I'm not. I'm just that whore people use at parties to try and escape from their pathetic lives with their comfortable relationships. I am that girl. The one everyone hates because she's such a dick, 'how could she do that to them,' and all that. I wish I could lie to myself and say that every time someone comments on how little I am worth it doesn't hurt, it doesn't even phase me, but it does. It really hurts, every time someone puts me down or takes advantage of my friendship I feel another little part of me somewhere inside dying. Now I'm sat here, crying like an idiotic baby because another person confirmed what I've known all along, that I am nobody, I am nothing to anybody and I will never be worth anybody. I can feel myself sliding down the side of the hole, right down to 0. Down to the point where contemplation of suicide happens on a bridge with a bottle of vodka and some pills with my blood dripping down from my arm to the almost certain end below. At 1, contemplation is manageable, its still in the early bedroom stages, but at 0 there's not much that can stop it. Last time I was at 0 was on the balcony of my hotel room in spain, 2 doors down from where 'the incident' had occurred and the only thing that stopped me from flinging myself off it was the fact He would've seen me from his balcony has he looked and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. This time, there's nothing like that and I have no one to pull me back, no one. None of my friends know the true extent of how...bad I am with this, some of them even think I'm better, I am alone in this hell, just like the rest of the world. I should probably stop feeling sorry for myself now. Just 'get over it' that's what people like telling me to do, 'oh, get over it, its not like your life is bad.' And that's the worst part, my life isn't bad any more, apart from my dickhead father my life is okay so why do I still feel like this? Why do I feel like this when people with worse lives don't? I guess maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself, attention seeking even. There was this guy I knew once, he was hooked on my best friend and I though we could be acquaintances if not friends because he understood what it is I am going through, I thought we could talk at least so that when I was on the bridge maybe there would be someone there to talk me off it, even if they don't care whether I actually live or die. Alas, it was not meant to be I guess, I think he only talked to me to make my friend like him more or something. Who knows, but, he was my last lifeline. The last person I could think of to help me. Now everything is up to my brain, that is a really worrying thought. Anyway, sorry to tell you guys this, you didn't need to know. Bye my Angels <3