Drowning my sorrows in vodka and vomit.

Oh gosh I feel like I'm dying, I had forgotten what an all day binge/purge cycle did to ones insides. I obviously know that I'm not dying, I have felt this before, but it doesn't make it any easier to go through. I look hideous as well and the only reason my family haven't asked about them is because they know I have a sore throat and that I've been coughing a lot so they'll put them down to that. A sore throat and purging is horrendously painful but its pain I deserve, I haven't punished myself for so long, I'd allowed myself to think that not controlling what I ate was okay and at least now my body truly realises that it wasn't okay, maybe I'll be less inclined to do it again in the future now. I'm hoping the alcohol my mothers boyfriend so generously got me will take the edge off of the pain but I doubt it, and they monitor my pain killer intake so I cant even slip a few of them in with the drink and go to oblivion. I might still have some in my bag though so all hope for my night might not be lost. My sister returns from her trip to her father's tomorrow so she'll be grumpy as hell. I am not looking forward to dealing with a brat who's playing up because her daddy didn't take her anywhere nice on her trip, even though she knew before she went that he wasn't going to. I remember crying numerous times because my father was a dick to me but I never came home and took it out on anyone else here, they never even realised how much he despised me until my mother saw an email from him accidentally when she was reading over my shoulder, I hate when people do that. My day has been horrible in so many ways and yet they're all so insignificant they shouldn't have made it horrible at all, I am sick of feeling like this, its like I'm just walking around in circles at the bottom of a really dark well and every time I do a full circle the ground falls down to make the well just that little bit deeper, darker. Anyway, I'm off to drown my sorrows. Bye my Angels <3