Just like before

I've been finding comfort in the dark lately, like I used to. But there are so many things different about me since I was bad before. I have new friends that treat me like I belong, I have a tad more confidence, I've grown up. I'm hoping these factors will help me to not slip back into my self-made seclusion. I don't want to go back. I want to go forwards, even if that means I get a different kind of what I had before if my head is adamant that I need it. I said in passing today 'if my head lets me' and everyone laughed like it was some kind of joke, its difficult keeping everything from them but they wouldn't understand. Only one person didn't laugh actually, he got this thoughtful/questioning look on his face and started searching my face for something. I need to watch out for that one. He's sharper than he lets on, I cant have him blowing this for me, this year is not going to be a 'tiptoe around the freak' year. No. Not any more. He paused when he was looking at my arms for a second, like he saw something, something that he couldn't have seen because they're faded and barely there. I think his issue is that he likes knowing as much as he can. I'll just have to be extra cheery around him. However, my mind has decided that it likes the look of him, I know personally that he's been around the college a few times but that is not stopping my mind from wandering. It is such a funny little thing, it hates me, right up until the point where it wants something. Then its really nice until I give it what it wants. Its like a person of its own, with its own wants, not sure that's normal. I really don't have much to write about tonight, sorry for that, I bore myself as well. Bye my Angels <3