Touchy feely texture

I adore the feeling of new cuts being done over old scars, the texture it brings to the cuts is brilliant, its like those games you got to play as a child where you'd put your hand in a box and feel for what it was inside. I'm really good at controlling the blood that comes out of them now, I know just how much pressure I need to apply to get whatever amount of blood I need for the release that night. My mother was giving my dieting tips yesterday, it was funny because she was spouting all of these things at me that she'd learnt at weight-watchers and I was just sat there thinking 'Before I went on these pills I was losing weight at a lovely pace and I could feel the emptiness, I wasn't eating 3 meals a day then and I'm not now so hopefully now I'm on a different set of pills I'll be able to lose the weight again) Its so cute because she thinks that after my 'Silly spurt' in year 10 that I've gotten over the whole losing weight without eating thing, that's what she called it, the doctors called it Bulimia and she called it a 'silly spurt' that I needed to stop right away because she was sick of my attention seeking. Its safe to say I didn't stop. I successfully avoided seeing (R) today which was good because I was still really quite hurt about what she did and I'd have gone crazy at her if she'd have come calling for me. I'm supposed to be seeing (Fire) sometime this week to talk about things so that should help my head get sorted, it usually does even if she does have some silly methods of doing things...I'm in immense pain with my mouth at the moment, I don't know what's happening but the whole right side of it feels like its being chipped at by a hammer but its good because I deserve the pain, I let someone know the issues inside of me and this is the price I'm having to pay. These breakdowns are getting harder and harder to stop, I can always feel one building up and I'm sick of them happening. (R) said that if I told people things then they'd stop happening because the breakdowns are the result of the years of problems I've squashed down inside of me and if I talk about the problems then there'll be nothing to squash down anymore. Its a cute little idea in theory but she doesn't realise the amount of pain that will accompany that, and it probably won't work anyway. I don't trust these new-age methods of coping, I prefer the good old fashioned pretend they don't exist until you die method, guaranteed results every time (not always good results) Bye my Angels <3