Cooped up indoors.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I haven't been well, I caught some bug or something and it took all the stuffing out of me for a few days, it would be on the first week of my summer holiday, typical. I have been cooped up indoors since Tuesday night, I think maybe I have mild food poisoning from the veal I ate Tuesday but who knows. I've already read 4 of my summer books which isn't good, they were supposed to  last me all holiday, I mean, I never thought they would but I wanted them to at least last the first two weeks or so... I'm not sure why I said I've been cooped up indoors, its not like I'd have plans if I didn't have this bug thing, I never do over the summer, everyone else always seems to have them everyday but I guess people just don't like inviting me to their summer fun, can't say I blame them, no one likes spending time with a person who is content in the silence. I should really try and blend in more but its difficult, I'm just not an outwardly confident person, I also am not good at small talk, its my kryptonite, I mean, I actually suck at just talking about nothing. I don't know how people do it. This is most likely going to be another summer of me sitting indoors reading and taking my dog for a walk up the hills to read some more and listen to music in secluded areas. I don't mind any of that, don't get me wrong but sometimes a person prefers company, which would be easier to get if I didn't keep pushing everyone away lately. I think I'm possibly one of the most contradicting people on the planet, maybe I'm just confused, who the fuck knows. I'm pretty low lately, maybe not below a 1 but maybe a 1.1, I guess its better than almost a 0 but its still pretty awful, I just wish I knew how I could get out of this slump and maybe get back to a 2 at least, I want to have the potential to enjoy my time off from college work. Bye my Angels <3