I gave up, gave in.

Well, I gave in, again. I didn't get past the one month milestone, wasn't able to conquer this, I guess I'll always have angry red marks and silvery indents tattooing my skin. Some people weren't born with the strength to overcome addiction and I am one of those people. (Fire) told me the other day that she didn't even know why I do this to myself, that she thought it was my family situation but because my mum isn't yelling any more she doesn't know why I do this. I was actually speechless for a short amount of time, I felt like telling her that actually just because my mother's yelling has subsided for a while, that doesn't mean there aren't other things going on within the confines of the family world and actually, my family isn't the only thing that causes me to feel pain, that causes me to create relieving pain to decrease the agonising pain. It is only when people say things like that do I actually realise how little people know about me, other than what I want them to know. People think that they're really good at getting information out of me about myself, they really underestimate me and how many steps ahead of them in conversations I am. Not saying I'm smart or anything but I've gotten good at predicting conversations and the turns in them that will happen. I ache everywhere lately. My bones are punishing me, they've had too much blood pushing against them and they didn't appreciate it so now they're punishing me. Oh, life. Bye my Angels <3