Breaking the promises I made myself.

When I was younger, after my ex-stepfather had beaten me I'd always make myself a promise. I'd always promise that when I got older, I'd find someone who liked me and treated me better than he treated my mum. I promised myself that I'd always take very good care of myself because to me, it was obvious nobody else was going to. When I was a kid I believed in fairy-tales and nice princes coming to take the unfortunate girl away, because anything was better than believing that being beaten was all I was going to get for the rest of my life. Now those beliefs have been shattered by reality and the wounds are self inflicted. Why did I break those promises to myself? I guess I just lost myself somewhere along the way and decided it wasn't worth going back for me or something cliché like that. I don't think past me would be thrilled at my life choices, she was always the level-headed one of us. My mum is under a lot of stress lately and its really starting to irritate me, she keeps taking it out on me and my sister and actually we aren't what she's angry at so why should we get it all? I need to find someone to take my blades off me so I can actually give beating this habit a chance. Maybe I'll ask the woman at college, she'd be happy to help me I'm sure (because that worked out so perfectly last time I tried doing that) I'm not sure what I'm doing nowadays, I just seem to be blurring along without cause. I think I need to find a dream and stick to it, who knows, maybe after all of this a dream is what I actually need. Bye my Angels <3