The ugly friend.

I've always been surrounded by people who are better than me. All my life I think (in fact  I know) I was the ugly, unimportant friend that people kept around to make themselves look better, and I am okay with that. Really I am. Everyone else was always so much prettier, smarter, funnier, they deserved to be the important friends. Sometimes though (only occasionally) it irritates me that I wasn't prettier, smarter, funnier, it irritates me that I couldn't be one of the essential people in someone's life. Today is one of those 'sometime' days. They're the days when people really rub it in my face that they can have anything I want whenever they want it, they can just take it from under my nose, they don't care. I think that's part of the reason I'm so distant with people, I know that if I get close they'll be reminded how worthless I really am and forget I existed whilst running into the sunset with a perfect person. I know that if I ever really, truly wanted to be with someone they'd be plucked out of my reach. I know I shouldn't even care about it. I know I should thank my lucky stars perfect people even keep me around them, should be grateful they talk to me, but I guess I'm just an ungrateful person. Why did I have to be born the ugly friend? 
 Its been a week. One week and two days since I last cut. At 7pm sharp it will be one week and three days. I wonder if I can keep this up. In other news. I CANT WRITE A PERSONAL STATEMENT. Its stupid. A personal statement is like, bigging myself up, I'm shit at that, how the fuck do I make 'I am worthless, I have no hobbies and I hate everyone' sound appealing to a university? I swear asking someone who thinks as little of themselves as I do to write a personal statement is a recipe for disaster. I won't get into university because I'll have the worst personal statement going because there is literally nothing appealing about me, I have nothing to offer a university at all. Fuck. Bye my Angels <3