The sun is murder.

The sun is killing me, possibly literally. People keep telling me to stop complaining about the nice weather because we rarely have it in England and I should be grateful, but I like the fact there's rarely any sun, that means there's rarely any sun related illness for me. I know it sounds like I'm being a hypochondriac or something but I actually get so ill when the sun is out, when its hot, I get really bad migraines and my stomach churns and my skin gets a really itchy under the surface rash and its awful, its like my normal allergic reactions, but to the sun. Its not even dehydration or anything because I have to drink loads when its hot to stop myself from fainting. I miss the comfortable confines of the clouds, I miss the refreshing rain and the dull days. (I also miss debates about alliteration in my English classes, can you tell?) I applied for a job, volunteering at some local charity shop, I probably won't even be considered which is a shame because I really need something to do until September, I'm sick of being in my house and I cant go out because no friends. Or at least, no friends that want to spend time with me outside of college when they have to so they don't look lonely. I guess I'm just bad company, I prefer meaningful conversation with some depth to it rather than general small talk about a topic no one cares about. But that's not how things are done, that's not how people talk, if only people in the real world were the same as the people in the books I hide myself away in, life would be simpler then. I guess I could go and spend my days in the library if I find nothing else to do, I've been meaning to catch up on my reading of nothing in particular, plus, I need to see if they have the book on psychopaths I want to read. (Also another thing that doesn't exactly make me friend-worthy I guess) I pushed another guy away the other day, he was getting too close and expecting too much from me, it was unacceptable. I wish I could just meet someone who was willing to have fun and no commitment and who didn't push me for answers to questions so they could 'know me better' if I wanted people to know me better I'd tell them things without asking, if you have to ask I'm not going to want to tell you. Why is that so hard to understand? Its a good thing I don't have many people left to push away because its exhausting. I am at a 0.7 which I guess is better than nothing at all but its not great, I wish I could shake this, whatever it is. Bye my Angels <3